He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
