so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
