She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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