don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
