They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
