This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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