Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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