Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Randomize
