I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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