so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
