yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
