you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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