So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
