Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
