The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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