I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
