he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Randomize
