Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
