Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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