Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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