I think scott just propositioned me for sex
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
