just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
