So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize