how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Randomize
