Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I use my feet as sexual weapons
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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