You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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