She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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