every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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