i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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