Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
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