i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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