He asked me if I "almost moaned"
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
