Just fell off a train. Bad.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
You are a genius and a whore.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
