He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
