he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
