so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
