Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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