I'm really into asian looking animals
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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