Me. At least after what I've been through.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
You may now shotgun with the bride
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
