Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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