My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
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