She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Randomize
