somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.