Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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