Me too!
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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