True but thats because hes a fetus.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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