I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
