Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
