Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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