My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
