her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
