Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
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I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
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btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
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