i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Randomize
