had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
