I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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