OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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