he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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