You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
