Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
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The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
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Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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