I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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