Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
They have beer where we have blood.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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