Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
