hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
